Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
