OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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