I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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