I heard we made out
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize