dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i will never coherently bang her
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
