Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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