Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
