she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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