Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
