His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
