I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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