How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize