Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
