They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
