some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
