Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
