I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You are the jesus of drinking
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
