Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
