dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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