how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
