I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
