i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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