I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
