I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize