Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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