Are we in a gay sports bar?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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