Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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