i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
