I wannas sexs uuuuu
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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