I wish life had little blips of pornography
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize