Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
