u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
