she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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