He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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