Walk of Shame. In a state park.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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