worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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