maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
