Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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