eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
