i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
