its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
