that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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