happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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