I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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