i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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