i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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