and my herpes radar will keep us safe
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
