i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
