The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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