This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
