chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
