i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's the barista slut.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
