Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
