I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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