I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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