do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
