i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm at about main and main street
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
