he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
