She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
