guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
