My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
