How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
