I feel great
I just peed on a car
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
