if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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