I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
