I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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