I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what day is it and did you see me today?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
