I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
