you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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