I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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