I think I died a long time ago.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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